You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.