Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Follow @tfln