No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.