scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else