i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
