Texts From Last Night

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(619): View more from California

i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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(619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv

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(949): View more from California

Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

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(949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz

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(914): View more from New York

i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

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(914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20

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(607): View more from New York

I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.

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(607): I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships. http://tfl.nu/rdml

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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(781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s

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(214): View more from Texas

Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.

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(214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake. http://tfl.nu/8hx0

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(858): View more from California

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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(858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1

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(416): View more from Ontario

So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading

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(416): So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading http://tfl.nu/2fp9

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(850): View more from Florida

i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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(850): i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate. http://tfl.nu/wnho

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(334): View more from Alabama

Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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(334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh

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(562): View more from California

trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

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(562): trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander" http://tfl.nu/pjq1

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.

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(304): I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did. http://tfl.nu/mi39

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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(814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli

Replies (16) Good night (793) Bad night (3811)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??

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(603): Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame?? http://tfl.nu/gyhi

Replies (15) Good night (4520) Bad night (435)
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(954): View more from Florida

Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.

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(954): Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay. http://tfl.nu/sog2

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