Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.