I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom