I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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