I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...