He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon