come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested