i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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