Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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