I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
