How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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