I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked