I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.