I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
