it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
