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oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just cropdusted the office
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
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