There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone