Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor