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I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we made out on top of his cat.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
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