I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.