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I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We named our party play list daddy issues
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
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