Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard