The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.