There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.