Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church