He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.