I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other