This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...