Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
