Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.