College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.