Texts From Last Night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

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(203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh

Replies (24) Good night (5324) Bad night (1319)
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(636): View more from Missouri

No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.

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(636): No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from. http://tfl.nu/d5gf

Replies (4) Good night (1132) Bad night (3121)
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(971): View more from Oregon

one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.

(706): View more from Georgia

i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...

(971): View more from Oregon

it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.

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(971): one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull. (706): i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer... (971): it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible. http://tfl.nu/efvs

Replies (9) Good night (4311) Bad night (1040)
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(206): View more from Washington

My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

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(206): My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'. http://tfl.nu/39kt

Replies (10) Good night (5098) Bad night (1015)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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(720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx

Replies (4) Good night (5661) Bad night (1134)
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(815): View more from Illinois

i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

(1-815): View more from Illinois

you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

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(815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3

Replies (18) Good night (1843) Bad night (5101)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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(815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1

Replies (15) Good night (4445) Bad night (1991)
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(916): View more from California

It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

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(916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi

Replies (7) Good night (3497) Bad night (1598)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

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(630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli

Replies (12) Good night (4911) Bad night (1235)
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(915): View more from Texas

like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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(915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw

Replies (7) Good night (4486) Bad night (1092)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

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(413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v

Replies (8) Good night (1436) Bad night (4446)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.

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(479): Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain. http://tfl.nu/si9l

Replies (13) Good night (1073) Bad night (5096)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.

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(519): Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten. http://tfl.nu/vjjo

Replies (24) Good night (5220) Bad night (974)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

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(901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn

Replies (34) Good night (7012) Bad night (1443)
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(313): View more from Michigan

How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?

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(313): How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going? http://tfl.nu/4fop

Replies (11) Good night (1326) Bad night (4273)

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