I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in