Texts From Last Night

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

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(803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(715): i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign. http://tfl.nu/r2le

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(703): View more from Virginia

he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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(703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675

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(904): View more from Florida

i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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(904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e

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(407): View more from Florida

i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

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(407): i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem http://tfl.nu/l5fk

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(917): View more from New York City

My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

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(917): My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts. http://tfl.nu/py1e

Replies (22) Good night (2074) Bad night (3409)
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(313): View more from Michigan

then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito

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(313): then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito http://tfl.nu/szdu

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions

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(603): you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions http://tfl.nu/l7zn

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

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(412): I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf http://tfl.nu/qrcf

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.

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(412): Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way. http://tfl.nu/rfmc

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(952): View more from Minnesota

True Life: I hate vaginal excretions

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(952): True Life: I hate vaginal excretions http://tfl.nu/vhm9

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(954): View more from Florida

The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

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(954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

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(630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together http://tfl.nu/1hrq

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(301): View more from Maryland

please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

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(301): please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now http://tfl.nu/10rh

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(513): View more from Ohio

So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.

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(513): So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it. http://tfl.nu/bqup

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