Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot