When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up