You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.