I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.