I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
