i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.