Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.