For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.