ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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