I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize