I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.