I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?