HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.