The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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