just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.