His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
