Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
