I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
