I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
