I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
