I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
