Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
