I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.