I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE