ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo