He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.