Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea