No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.