I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.