You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.