yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.