Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?