Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong