Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.