She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups