You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.