can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?