Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.