My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am