Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?