he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now