if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....