Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So how was he last night?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group