I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?