Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?