I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So how was he last night?