Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.