We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.