Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.