My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.