Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.