Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)