And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.