We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group