Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.