Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.