I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?