Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"