It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.