im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?