Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
