Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
either way he was missing a nipple.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it