but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....