She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle