Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
be right there i have to get my cape
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.