Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment