I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit