my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.