My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle