TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!