Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.