Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure