If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check