Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.