sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle