She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.