If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.