Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
now i know why i became what i already was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.