And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed