Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...